The Unattainable Boy

The unattainable boy…. 

It was April, and I was training to be a server. I was just a few weeks in, and already had broken a few glasses, forgot to put in orders, and found myself,”in the weeds,”(a server expression for when you have too many tables, and not enough hands), more times than not. Every week that past that I wasn’t fired was a good sign I was getting better, or that my boss was just extremely patient. Soon it was May, then July, then suddenly it was the beginning of the school year. I graduated from awful server to decent, and had made a few friends along the way, (Cross off Step 2 here). I wasn’t exactly going to the gym, but at night I dreamt about running which in my book counts as burning calories. Now the only thing left was to ditch the boy. If only ending relationships were as easy as finding a hooker on 8th avenue.

It was Halloween, and we were still together. Our relationship was a bit different this time around. I was the one out partying now, and how ironic that he wasn’t thrilled about that. I think part of him knew after all the months I stayed home doing nothing, that once I got a few friends, I was going to be one raging party animal. Boy, was he dead on. 

Not only did I start partying…a lot, I started noticing more boys who lived here, and not five hours away. There was one in particular who we will refer to as the,”unattainable boy”. Now most women reading this have probably had their fair share of crushes on the boy you only hope will ask you to prom, but always ends up going with the head cheerleader, and who just so happens to be perfect. You know, the type that can down a burger and fries and still have a stick figure body, and yet they always seem to miraculously have huge breasts. And why is she always blonde? The funny part is, we know these types of boys, what they like, and what they are really after, yet for some reason like a moth to a light, we are fascinated by them. We want to know why it’s always the popular girls, and never us. We imagine that maybe we will end up like the girl from, She’s All That, and get the boy in the end. We imagine at prom he walks in holding our hand, sees blondie, and tells her to take a hike cause he is in love with us. And you don’t have to be in high school to be in the classic case of wanting a boy you can’t have. The one no matter how hard you try not to fall for, you do, usually digging yourself into a very deep hole even your friends start giving up hope you will ever get out of. And even if it’s not at prom, you imagine one day he will see how amazing you are. He will tell you he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, and he will use the best line of all, “I’ve loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you, I just never had the courage to tell you until now.” (Insert sappy tear here).

Now here is where it gets interesting…

Girl gets boy…girl loses her friends

Girl gets boy…girl loses her friends. Now I’m pretty sure almost everyone has been there in some form or another. Perhaps those friends took you back after you broke-up. Or maybe after the honeymoon stage wore off they took you back, after you realized a 24 hour orgasm while fun, was starting to cause bedsores. Either way, I eventually got to the point where I knew my friends were slipping away. And no matter how much money I tried to bribe them with to stay, (kidding), they weren’t coming back. 

So now I was a few months into my new relationship. I was 20 years old with no friends, sexed out, and bored. Now most smart people in my situation would have pulled the plug or would have left before getting the nickname “granny,” but not me, I decided to stay. Now I shouldn’t say I didn’t have any friends because Ben and Jerry were really accommodating at the time. It was with the assistance of both of them that those 30 pounds I put on, was my first reason to start changing.

And this was my plan….

Step 1 – Get a new job

Step 2- Make new friends at new job

Step 3- Remember what a gym smelt like

Step 4- Dump the boy

Okay, Step 4 sounds harsh, but keep in mind at the time he was away at school, drinking and enjoying his youth. I had a much different life than that. I was home living the life of a divorced 40 year old. I was spending my Friday, and Saturday nights in, stuffing my face with pizza and chips, watching Lifetime. To this day I still don’t know what was worse, the fact that I was 20 years old in college with no life, or that I was actually watching Lifetime. 

Finally by April, Step 1 was complete. I found myself a waitressing job which was quite different from the spa job I had, getting paid to sleep, and watch T.V.. I knew it was going to be hard work, but I also knew I was going to be making a lot more money. I was happy to be working at a place with people my own age. I knew making friends was going to be easy. I didn’t however expect, what was going to happen next. 

It’s my birthday…and I’m buying my own birthday cake

It’s my birthday… and I’m buying my own birthday cake. Now I didn’t literally buy my own birthday cake,though I probably could have, you get the idea. I just turned 22, and you would think at such a young age I would be having the time of my life. The truth is my life has taken a complete 180.  

 

I once was a girl who literally had the world by it’s balls. I had a perfect 4.0, an amazing part time job working at a spa where I could probably set the place on fire, and end up with a promotion in the rebuilt store. I had several boys at my beck and call, almost to the point of them wiping my ass for me. I was working out seven days a week, and was in top physical shape. I had one bill a month that cost me $50, you could imagine where the rest of my money went. To say I was unstoppable would be an understatement. Most people say you don’t know what you have until its gone, well, in my case I knew what I had, and now that it’s gone, it certainly has made for one interesting adventure. 

So you might be thinking, ah, a classic tale of a little princess who ruled the world, but took advantage of the power given to her. An evil witch must have came to her castle and stripped all her magical powers away. Now she is a peasant living with her evil step mother, and sisters. Okay you probably aren’t thinking to that extreme, but I’m sure you are curious as to what happened after those balls turned into a vagina, and suddenly I had nothing to grab onto anymore. 

So since this is my first time blogging I want to make sure I don’t overwhelm you by writing too much on my first post. I consider this the introduction to one thought provoking venture.